THE FIRST (POTENTIALLY) ANNUAL HOLIDAY BARPOD SUBSCRIPTION DRIVE PRIZE-STRAVAGANZA IS NOW LIVE
This is the opportunity of a lifetime — we are giving away 32(!) prizes
(Update: There was a miscommunication between Substack and me as I was trying to plan this contest, and it turns out that contrary to my belief, you cannot purchase an annual subscription if you’re already an annual BARPod subscriber. So unfortunately, this contest is only open to those who purchase an annual gift or group subscription, or who upgrade from a monthly to annual subscription. If you’re already a subscriber, you can find all those options at https://www.blockedandreported.org/subscribe — in the “Subscription” box, just hit “Change” or “Give a gift subscription.” Really sorry about that but I’ve adjusted the language throughout to make the below description fully accurate. -Jesse)
Dearest BARFlies, we have a very special announcement: from now through the final day of the year, December 31, anyone who buys or gifts an annual subscription to this podcast, which will be discounted by $5 during that span ($50 instead of $55), will have a chance to enter a drawing for not one, not two, but THIRTY-TWO potential prizes.
The rules are simple: if you buy any annual subscription between now and the end of 2023, whether it’s for you (including an upgrade from a monthly to an annual subscription), a gift for a friend, or a group subscription, you’ll get an email in the first week of January. You’ll click a link and fill out a very brief form, and that will enter you into the contest. We’ll do our random drawing and email the winners by mid-January at the latest.
Below are the prizes. The numbers indicate the maximum number of prizes we have to give away, which total to 32. If we don’t receive 32 entries, then everyone who enters will win something. The prizes will be assigned via random drawing. Items with asterisks indicate “conditions apply,” meaning we might have to negotiate the specifics a bit with the winner. But we’re flexible and, as you surely know by now, deeply amoral.
IMPORTANT: You need to at least already be a free subscriber to enter this contest.
Part of our process of determining and validating the winners will be double-checking that they were at least a free subscriber as of today, December 18, and asking them to provide the email address of their BARPod account.
That out of the way:
THE ONE PRIZE THAT IS FOR PREMIUM SUBSCRIBERS ONLY:
—Jesse will come to your home, favorite bar, church, or brothel and talk for 30 minutes about whatever you want (as long as it’s within his areas of relative expertise), with a 30-minute Q&A after, for a group of 25 people or fewer. (one winner)
Think of it as a campus talk, but for you and your friends/family. In addition to being a Primo as of today, December 18, 2023, the winner must live within a two-hour drive of what Google Maps considers to be “Brooklyn,” or be willing to come to the area for this event. The winner is responsible for providing the space and can’t attempt to make money off the talk. It’s fine for this to take place in the winner’s home, or the home of one of their friends, though Jesse has final veto power if you try to get him to come to a wintry New Hampshire farm at 3 a.m. and it just doesn’t feel right because why is your email address IAmGonnaKillJSOnTheFarm69NH@gmail.com???*
PRIZES OPEN TO ALL SUBSCRIBERS, FREE OR PREMIUM:
—Personalized MP3 recording, 90 seconds or fewer (ten winners)
You provide the basics of what you want included, and we make you a personalized recording. It can be a birthday greeting for you or a friend, a voicemail message, our opinion of your friend’s dumb hat (it’s stupid), or whatever else, though mind the asterisk. It’ll be edited to normal BARPod standards and we’ll send it to whatever email address you want. Surprise a friend with a bunch of inside jokes!*
—A copy of The Quick Fix: Why Fad Psychology Can’t Cure Our Social Ills (paperback) signed by Jesse with whatever type of inscription you want, sent to whoever you want. (five winners, U.S. postal addresses only)
Surely you know what a mug is.
You are likely similarly aware of the concept of a bag.
—A “pervert for nuance” shirt from our merch store, sent to you or a friend (five winners, U.S. addresses only)
If you don’t know what a shirt is, how are you even reading this??
—A professionally commissioned caricature of you with us and/or the BARPod logo (one winner)
You explain to us what you want, and we deliver you a high-quality image electronically that you can print out on nice paper and frame, use as wallpaper, drop over a war zone, whatever.
That’s it! Remember, to enter this contest you must 1) be a free or paid subscriber as of today, and 2) purchase a one-year subscription. Any of the ANNUAL options listed here will work.
—Katie and Jesse
The image of Santa enjoying the free BARPod subscription one of his elves bought him in a panic very late on Christmas Eve was created by ChatGPT 4/DALL-E.